Reflections on Catullus, Homer, and Roger Daltrey

I was watching that documentary today. You know the one -- it’s called, The Kids Are Alright. I was watching it trying to remember how badass “The Who” used to be. I mean, remember Towshend smashing those guitars into amps. And Keith Moon, who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anything. Why can’t people be badass like that anymore? Catullus was pretty f-ing badass. I mean, you try talking shit about Julius Caesar when he’s the most powerful man in the known world. I mean, this guy isn’t Bush. We’re not talking checks and balances here. Yeah… Catullus was badass. He didn’t care what people thought.

(Referencing poems No. 17, 24, 29 & 80)

He’d speak his mind -- call everyone he knew a flaming catamite!

(Pause. Joshua William Gelb considers poems No. 48 & 99)

Then again… I guess, Catullus sort of was a flaming catamite… so maybe it’s like Jews telling jokes about the Holocaust.

(Cut to Producer Michael Height chewing off his cuticles in fear Joshua William Gelb will offend someone… if not everyone)

Anyway… I hope all of this talk about being a badass sort of get’s all of you blog readers a little more interested in the poetry of Catullus. I mean, come on! When was the last time you heard someone call Horace a badass? Or Virgil? Ovid had his moments, but he was only ripping off Catullus… which by the way… is totally true.

(Joshua William Gelb pauses. Reflects)

I guess Homer was a badass. But he was blind. And probably didn’t exist.

(Moving on…)

Anyway, here’s this week’s news: Reality TV’s You’re The One That I Want contestants Austin Miller & Kate Rockwell are officially members of the Tully community, joining the previously announced Mr. Adam Hose, Miss. Autumn Hurlbert, Master David James McGee, His Lordship Evan Jay Newman, and that other guy… I forget his name… but I think he’s related to a pirate.

(The grossly omitted Owen O’Malley writes a disgruntled letter to the blog. He proceeds to sack and pillage in reprisal)

Yes, my tween blog readers, the (emphasis on the “the”) Austin Miller and the (repeat emphasis) Kate Rockwell will be appearing in the upcoming NYMF musical, Tully (In No Particular Order), as the notorious brother/sister power couple, Claude and Clodia Beautée.

(Brief musical transition. Joshua William Gelb swivels in his chair, looks to Camera #2)

Who are Claude and Clodia Beautée, you ask? Well, let me tell you. Clodia and Claude Beautée (that’s a French bastardization of the word “beauty”) are the musical counterparts for the once reality celebrities of the ancient Roman republic, Clodius and Clodia Pulcher (Pulcher being the Latin word for beautiful). Part political heavyweights, part Hilton sisters, the incestuous Clodius and Clodia, drank, screwed, corrupted, and murdered their way into Roman infamy… I guess you could say they were pretty badass.

(A scream and sudden crash. The Camera #2 operator has been skewered by a scimitar. Pirates ambush the blogging session. Joshua William Gelb is sacked by Captain O’Malley and his crew of malicious rogues)